Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Bagged!

Wheee! :)

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

My sporkings:

Chapters 10-13 of Bared Identities.

Chapters 5-9.

Chapters 1-4.

"Mistaken Identity", the schlock that started it all.

The horrors of Chapters 14 to 17. Unsporked, in their original environment, they lie in wait to pummel us with spiced fruit drinks and then molest our fragile brains.

( Read more... )

I am so happy that's over with. Next time, the last few chapters. We're almost done with this monster; hang on, people!

Attention all writers in anthro!fandoms.

Fur does not blush. No, really. It doesn't. Nor does it pale. In fact, there is absolutely no blood-flow within fur whatsoever! That's why we can go for haircuts and not bleed to death!

So for the love of whatever, stop with the whole goddamn fur-blushing-because-character-A-has-got-the-metaphorical-horn (as it's perfectly possible he's got a real one), or medical diagnoses based on fur-colour. It's annoying.

kthx.

Dear FFN Administration,

I love you guys. No, seriously, I love you. I think you're the bestest administration people I have ever had the pleasure of dealing with. I love the fact you made the abuse review feature. I mean - wow - ingenuity at its finest. You see a troll review, spam review, or flame, and magically, you can report it!  I can't stress how giddy I feel when I hit that little text-button-of-fun, and get to chose what kind of abuse the naughty review should be labeled!

But, do you know what gets me giggling every time? Every time I click the "send report"?

 No response!

Nothing! Not a gosh darn thing! I can't tell you how much satisfaction that brings me, knowing that no matter how many reports I send regarding the signed spam on every chapter on every story I had uploaded, that spam will still be there the next day, and the next day, and the next day!

Warm fuzzies all over! I think I'm grinning ear to ear!

And who's the clever one who designed that review throttle for only 15 seconds? LOL, someone had their smartie cap on didn't they? Golly, I could just hug you to pieces! Because of you, someone finally showed how much love they had for me by spamming one story over 2800 times! YES, 2800 times!!! I'm blushing!

I was so overwhelmed with their shameless display of affection that I simply had to disable anon reviews. I can handle only so much love you know! However, I afraid my fans might get jealous of those tidbits of joy on my review board - all 198 pages worth - so I must delete them all and send another supportive email that will never be read! I have tingles now from all this love and joy and extra work I have to put into erasing these tokens of desire that I have to stop at forty deletions or else I'll go cross-eyed!

But don't worry now, I'll restore my review count to normal, someday.

So WORD to you, FFN administration, for making lovely useless features and keeping your site a frolicking Troll Playground!

XXOOXXO,

M

ETA: edited to insert random bold

I read mostly m/m slash, so I don't know if ficcers do this with lesbian couples, but why the hell do fanbrats feel the need to have a child call one of their two male parents "mommy" or any variant thereof? I can understand this in certain situations, such as if one of the men does indeed identify as a woman, then he'd likely tell the kid he's "mommy."

There's also a One Piece fic where Zoro and Sanji end up attached to a kid and Zoro tells the kid that Sanji is "mommy" because he's a bastard like that.

But beyond that a a select few other situations, it makes no sense, especially when, canonically speaking, neither of the men in question are what one would call "effeminate."

I understand the need for a distinction, but there are better ways of doing that, like calling one father "pops" and the other "dad" or something of that ilk.

Or, if the kid is in his obnoxious teenage years, "sperm donor" and "thing attached to sperm donor."

SD and TASD for short.

Would like to take the time to pluggify this:
http://www.fanfiction.net/topic/2872/6030605/1/#6149826

It's a petition for the ability of Pit users to delete signed reviews. Since there has been a rash of obscene reviews in a section frequented mainly by young teens, which the mods have done nothing about, I feel this is necessary. Fingers crossed.

I don't understand some authors insistence on removing the aspects of a work that make it unique, recognizable, or otherwise enjoyable and replacing them with the same trite, overused BS whose absence is part of the reason why we like the show in the first place. Why would you do that?

( Rantrantrant )

Um... Ben 10 fandom? I know I'm new to you, but why is Ben/Gwen so common place? THEY'RE COUSINS. Ew. I mean, write what you like if that floats your boat I guess, but please, please label it as such. It is incest and it makes a lot of people squeemish, including me. It makes me think of kissing my cousin, who while he may be attractive and my age, still makes me squirm.

And fanbrats, I'm fairly sure in a tv show for children Ben/Gwen will never be canon. So really, don't be surprised when they don't get together. Yes, sometimes people will experiment as children, but in a Y7 show? Yeah don't see them becoming canon.

Thank you.

Edit: Okay, nevermind this because I grew up with my parents & teachers drilling a misconception into me. Sorry guys.

Years ago. Movie Theatre. "Titanic" just finished showing.

Following two college-age girls out of the theatre:

Girl #1: Wow! Can you believe that film?! Unbelievable!
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously. I wonder how they come up with these ideas?
Girl #1: Yeah, like ice could sink a ship!

At this point, I broke in and explained that although the movie's subjects were fictionalized, the film's premise was based on a true event--the sinking of the Titanic when it hit an iceberg.

Girl #1: No way! Ice cannot sink a ship!
Girl #2: Yeah, like have you ever seen ice cubes? Hello?! They're tiny!

Me: But Icebergs are huge and cover a lot of land.
Girl #2: (Sarcastic) Right. Sure they are. Hello?! It's just a movie!

Okaaayyyyy then........

So, reading the Subway thread bought me back to days of yore, when I would have given anything to work at a normal cafe again (even though crazies occupy this place, also). Working at a place called Great Wraps for a year, I encountered multiple strange person, and questions.

None of these are being made up. I asure you. It will sound like I am making this up, but I certainly am not. Prepare to be awestruck.

Fellow employee: Hello, what kind of wrap would you like for your sandwich? We have flour, wheat or spinach.

Customer: Oh! Is the spinach cute?

Fellow employee (thoroughly shocked): Uh...~fumbles~....I suppose if you put little bows on it.

it doesn't get any better.


Me: Would you like caesar dressing on your sandwich?
Customer: Is there caesar in the caesar dressing?

i'm sure she meant anchoives, but...~cries~

Me: So you want the South beach Tuna?
Customer: Yes, but is there tuna in the tuna salad?

that one still confuses me. she wasn't English speaking, so i'm blaming it on that.

Manager: Here's your salad (with dressing on the side).
Customer: Wait. Wait, please toss it. I can't toss salads. I don't know how. Why on Earth wouldn't you toss my salad for me?

She went bananas.

Customer: Do I order with you?

Safe to assume, if I am the only one standing there. Alone. With nobody else there. You probably wanna order with me, Chief.

The last one I wrote a while ago on my home forum after a particularly shitty day, when I had to yell at something to make the burning stop.

Customer A: If the spinach wrap is green, then what is the brown wrap?
Me: *twitchlaughter* ....wheeeeat?
Customer A: Uh. Ooooh. Does my combo come with fries?
Me: *is sure this is a trick question*

So I'm new, and someone on dear_stupid suggested this community for this story. So here goes.

Random Girl: Drinking is so immoral!

Me: Based upon what?

Girl: Well the Bible says it's immoral to drink.

Me: I think the Bible implies that it's immoral to over indulge. Jesus turned water into wine, after all.

Girl: But... that's different.

Me: Oh? How so?

Girl: Well wine was different in Biblical times. It didn't contain alcohol.

Me: *walks away*

I work as a cashier, and there's always ridiculous, annoyed, hurried people who rush in, and demand that you double-bag their packets of cheese and whatnot. So, one evening (it was quiet as usual around this time), a lady came in and had bought three bags of chips. She asked for them to be double-bagged individually (grumble grumble waste of bags grumble grumble), and so, I scanned them through. Just doing my job. Anyways, she does that squinty-eyed thing at the screen that people usually do when they believe that a price is wrong. I ask, "Is anything wrong?"
"Yeah. Those chips are supposed to be 2/$4.00"
So, I look at the screen, void the chips. After taking a double take, I see that the chips are marked 3/$6.00.
"The chips are $2.00 each ma'am, it's just showing up as 3/$6.00"
"I don't care. Those chips are the wrong price. They're supposed to be 2/$4.00!"
Oh GOD, it was extremely hard to be patient with this woman. Yeah lady. It's the same price. Take your chips and your morbidly obese child back to your homes. Pay the stupid price.

I admit that the expression "24/7" isn't very widely used in Greek, but still, this exchange:

Girl: So, when are we going to meet up?
Guy: Well, I'm available 24/7.
Girl: So it'll have to wait until July???

amused me.

-Gossip Girl cast
-Emma Watson
-Jennifer Aniston
-Kristen Bell
-OTH cast
-Reese Witherspoon
-The Covenant movie
-Hayden Panettiere
-LOST
Teasers:

The rest of the icons are here @ natalchica  

Kille: Vad är det med dig?
Tjej: Förlåt, jag har bara så galet ont i magen.
Kille: Vadå då?
Tjej (viskar): Mensvärk…
Kille (hånler): Men det gnällde du ju över igår också, har du mens ofta eller?
Tjej: En vecka som alla andra?
Kille: En HEL jävla vecka om året?!

I was on the subway yesterday and overheard this conversation.

Guy: What's wrong?
Girl: I'm sorry, but my stomach hurts really bad.
Guy: What?
Girl (whispering): PMS...
Guy (smirks): But you were whining about that yesterday too, do you have your period often or what?
Girl: One week, like everybody else?
Guy: One WHOLE fucking week a year?!

"A sign is causing heated arguments outside of a church in Jonesville.
Pastor Roger Byrd of Jonesville Church of God put the sign up which reads "Obama Osama humm are they brothers?"
Pastor Byrd says the sign is not meant to be racial or political but rather to make people think. "His name is so close to Osama I have a feeling he might be Islamic therefore he doesn't recognize Christ," Pastor Byrd said.
Barack attends Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.
Eugunia Foster is offended by the church sign. "I'm embarrassed and hurt. I'm surprised a small town like Jonesville still has this separation. It is racial and hatred," Foster said.
Pastor Byrd told News Channel 7 he would ask his congregation to vote on whether to keep the sign. They voted unanimously to keep the sign up Sunday night.
Jonesville Church of God does not have any African American members."

Source: http://www.wspa.com/midatlantic/spa/news.apx.-content-articles-SPA-2008-04-20-0005.html

Edit: Removed the broken picture tag, It's available on the source article anyway.

"A man riding an unlicensed motorcycle in Copiague made an obscene gesture at two police officers and did a wheelie right in front of them, then led the officers on a chase, Suffolk police said yesterday.

The pursuit ended with the rider under arrest after he crashed the bike into a police cruiser, giving himself minor injuries."

Full article here.

And the most mock-worthy part? He pleaded not guilty.

1. Okay, so I understand that now-a-days, giving out your social security number is a big deal. However, I work as the secretary of a therapist's office. I have to ask simple questions like your name, phone number, social, address, etc, because I have to call insurance companies to obtain authorization of your services (& must verify your identity), so my boss can get paid. The social is the #1 piece of information you can give to almost prove you know someone. All of the time I get people who go, I CAN'T GIVE MY SOCIAL OUT OVER THE PHONE. Which then is followed by I CAN'T COME ALL THE WAY OUT THERE JUST TO GIVE IT TO YOU! Okay, so no therapy for you. There are also the ones who go: "Okay, it's 1........... 2.......... 3..................................... 4............" like someone is going to hear it & like that is going to make it so that they can't?

2. This one woman came into my office the other day when I had left the office because I was having Fios installed at my house & had to be there. I tell her I will be leaving a clipboard with the paperwork she needs to fill out on the counter. She comes in, sits, sees no office staff, & leaves. Then leaves me a voicemail of her yelling "NOT NOBODY WAS THERE" over & over again. So, I call her, explaining I left out the paperwork, to which she screams "I KNOW, BUT NOT NOBODY WAS THERE!" She claims she was there for 3 hours & never saw the doctor (who comes out every 45 minutes to get patients) & continued to yell at me that we conduct buisness badly until I hung up on her about 15 minutes later. I have contacted MANY therapy offices in my lifetime & I have only called a select few that even HAD office staff.

3. There is something huge in the therapy world called an "NPI" which is a National Provider Identifier. We put this number on our claim forms so that it can be scanned & we don't have to print out the therapists name, address, liscense number, etc on all forms. I get a denied claim in the mail from Medicare explaining my NPI is invalid. I call, & the woman in the claim department says, "What's an NPI?"

Lastly, this one is just funny. It took place today.

Me: "Let me know what your hours are, & I'll tell you when I can schedule you.
Her: "I'm very flexible. I want the SOONEST appointment available."
Me: "Okay, well we have as early as 430 today, & 215, 3, & 515 tomorrow."
Her: "What about May 25th?"